Tomorrow, 26th January, is the Australia Day public holiday (yay for public holidays!!) and I figured, what better way to celebrate than to have a bit of a laugh at Australian culture?
So I thought i’d share this list that has been doing the rounds lately.
You know you’re Australian when…
- You’re familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O’Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch.
- You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.
- You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. There’s no lbw in backyard cricket, and over the fence is out. And the ‘one bounce, one hand’ rule always applies.
- You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread… and actually grow to like it. You’ve also squeezed Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
- You’ve had an argument with your mate over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car!
- You’ve made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
- You understand that the phrase “a group of women wearing black thongs” refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
- You can translate: “Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.”
- You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, pineapples, prawns and sheep.
- You think “Woolloomooloo” is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
- You believe a hamburger tastes a whole lot better with beetroot.
- You believe that the more you shorten someone’s name the more you like them.
- You understand that “you” has a plural and that it’s “youse”.
- Working at a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
- You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government’s new test for migrants.
- You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says “cobber”.
- You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it’s even fake.
- You know that there is a universal place called “woop woop” located in the middle of nowhere… no matter where you actually are.
- You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes so bad. But we let the world think we do anyway because the joke’s on them.
- One word says it all: Skippy.
- If you’re a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. ‘Hit and runs’ just aren’t cricket. Because Aussies stick together.
- You know that Sydney or Melbourne should be the capital, because Canberra is a hole.
- You have the ability to compress several words into one – i.e. “g’day” and “d’reckn?” This allows more space for profanities.
- You’ve only ever used the words – tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet – to mean good. And then you place “bloody” in front of it when you REALLY mean it.
- You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.
- You’ve sucked your tea/coffee/Milo through a Tim Tam and you call it a Tim Tam Bomb or a Tim Tam Slam.
- You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don’t scorn…. because you’re doing it too.
- You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of booze… but you can’t remember.
- You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.
Have a great Australia Day everyone